lost and gone

I never had any family. I was bounced around orphanages and foster homes from birth till I was 18. I was lucky.. I didn’t get seduced by the dark side. I finished college started a company. I beat the odds.

All I ever wanted was a family. A wife and children but I was always ashamed of my past and if a gal got to close I would just vanish. Stupid I know. Then one day out of the blue I literally got smacked by this gal in a grocery store by her buggy causing me to drop a dozen eggs. It was very funny and as the “eggs” cleared she was just the most beautiful lady. Long blond hair, green eyes. What a site!

She was so embarrassed but it was just a funny moment. She offered to pay for the eggs which of course was not an issue. We ended up in line together and it was amazing how freely we chatted.

I introduced myself as did she and after another laugh about the busted eggs I left never ever figuring I’d see her again. I had a beach house there and only came through a few times a year.

I ran into her a day later at a gas station and as we saw each other it was obvious we were more then interested in each other. There was a very popular bar on the same street and I said I was going to have a drink and if she would join me. She agreed and after that day we built a wonderful relationship. At the time we were both in our very early 50’s.

She had three daughters with two being in college and one about to finish high school. It was the happiest time of my life. At first anyway. Their father had literally abandoned them and was MIA. No where to be found. She raised them and they all became great young adults.

It was about six months into our relationship when her two oldest daughter just became Jekyll and Hyde towards me. In front of their mom they were normal. When she left the room they just became down right rude. It didn’t take long to figure out they thought I was stealing their mom which of course was not the case.

It finally reached a point where as I would be the loser or bad guy no matter what I did. I could just see their mom defending me one day while her daughters and her have some sort of feud while when its said and done their family and I wasn’t. Yes I so wanted to marry her.

So I had all my furniture moved from my house one weekend and put it on the market. I went to her house to grab some things I had left there and my plan was just vanish. Her oldest was there and of course the dirty looks and snide remarks came flowing out.

I just lol and don’t worry you win. I’m leaving and I’m not even going to tell your mom goodbye. I explained how I was screwed no matter what I do and that she could now bash me all day long how I just up and left without saying goodbye. She looked at me very strangely ; almost miffed. She said I should at least call her mom and say goodbye. I busted out laughing. Your daughters are rude, cruel, judgmental spoiled rotten brats is what I threw back at her.

Which they were. I lose either way. I’ll be the jerk from hell for being honest and I’ll be the jerk from hell for just taking the high road. I’ll take the high road.

I also told her I loved her mom so much and that we could have had great last half of our lives together. I got in my car and drove away. That’s been several years ago. I have interest all over the country so I just relocated and that was that. I got a few emails from her and of course she wanted to know what she did wrong or what happened. I never replied. I grew up alone and I always admired people who had family that stuck together. I wasn’t going to be the breach in there family.. NO WAY.

I actually admired her for having kids that worried about her. I just wish they had really looked at me for what I am. So I am close to 60 now. I have never dated another women since then. I don’t even make the effort. She was for me. No question about it.

In closing I think her daughter finally came clean as a message came to me way after I left. It simply said “I now understand what happened and I’m so sorry”.

I never replied back. I’m typing this now as I sit alone. Yes I’m lonely. Yes it hurts. It so didn’t have to be this way.. and Renee..I love you..forever..
:(